Amber’s God Conversation: The Horse who Broke her Heart – and the God who Healed it

It was love at first ride. Amber was only five years old when she first stepped up on a horse. It was early spring and there was a chill in the air. High in the saddle, Amber felt the warmth of the horse emanating through her entire body as she urged him to go faster and faster. Tears sprung to her eyes when the ride came to an end.

From that moment, Amber took every opportunity to ride. On holidays in the mountains, she would ride every single day after breakfast – around the oval tracks at the nearby park and on half-day trail rides in the pine forest nearby. Amber and her friends would scarf down their cereal and gulp down the milk when they heard the clip clop, clip clop of the horseshoes on the pavement. It is still one of her favourite sounds in the world.

Most of the time Amber rode bareback. Afterwards, she was always covered in horse-hair and smelt like a horse but it didn’t bother her. All she wanted was to be a jockey or cowgirl. She read every title of every horse series, collected all the “my little pony” figurines and wrote to Santa Claus every year asking for a black stallion. When she got her first riding boots, she polished them until they shone and wore them proudly around the house. Every Christmas, she would ignore the presents under the tree and rush out to see if Santa had come through.

A Promise Broken

As a teenager, Amber wanted to compete at show jumping and cross country, but she didn’t have her own horse. Would her dad buy her one? To Amber’s delight, her father promised that if she got all her grades above 90, he would buy her a horse. 

With her heart set on a copper coloured mare named Aurora, Amber put everything she had into her studies and with great joy, achieved the marks her father had asked for. The end of the school term finally came. She proudly presented her report card to her father and asked when he would buy her a horse. 

But to her dismay, Amber’s dad shook his head. There would be no horse. He had only promised one to motivate her to do well at school: there was no way they could afford the monthly upkeep.

Amber was devastated. There were no words to express the shattering sense of betrayal. That day, she quit riding. She stopped visiting Aurora, packed her riding gear away. She never spoke of horses again.

Amber’s grades were dismal the following year, even those subjects that she loved. Her focus turned to boys and her appearance. She snuck out of the house, lied to her parents and partied hard. The more her parents tried to discipline her, the more she rebelled. Amber continued on the path into her young adult years fuelled by alcohol, drugs and partying. 

Then at the age of 22, she made a decision to follow Jesus. She threw herself into a life of prayer, learning from church, praying regularly and attending healing retreats.

Yet amongst it all Amber still found it difficult to trust God. Feelings of being forgotten and cast aside continued to plague her heart. She could believe in God’s love for others, but not for herself. Deep down, the “pony issue” continued to nag at her, containing and distorting her relationship with God, but by then she had accepted it. 

The Father Who Can Always Be Trusted

One moment changed it all. Amber was participating in a God Conversations workshop at her church, where she was challenged to ask God to show her anything that acted as a barrier to being closer to him.

In the quietness, the Holy Spirit spoke – not so much in words, but with a deep sense of knowing; “I am not like your earthly father.” A verse from Scripture came to mind, “God is not a man who should lie or the son of man who should change His mind…” (Numbers 23:19). Amber realised she had judged God through the character flaws of her earthly father. 

She broke down in tears and immediately repented: “Forgive me. Help me to trust you!” 

At the same time, Amber felt compassion well up for her father. Yes, he’d made a grave mistake, but Amber knew he’d had the best intentions – he had longed for her to do well at school. In her heart Amber knew her father loved her deeply and she was thankful that it was he who gave her a love for horses, but just like any earthly father, he wasn’t perfect.

As the Spirit spoke, a deep sense of peace filled Amber and she left church that day feeling whole in mind, body and spirit. The tortured brokenness that had plagued her for so long had been miraculously healed – it was as though it never was. The sense of freedom was palpable.

God’s Love in the Saddle

Amber’s story didn’t end there. Three days later, she was out hiking with a friend. As they trudged through the bush, he mentioned in passing that his wife had a horse she hadn’t ridden in years. Amber immediately joked, “I’ll ride him for her!”

A week later, Amber found herself at a stable meeting a horse named Theodore. She was handed reins, riding tack and horse care equipment. “Ride him like he’s yours,” she was told, “but I’ll pay for all his food and keep.”

Amber couldn’t believe it. She had a horse and her heavenly father was paying for it. She nearly couldn’t contain the tears of overwhelming joy and gratitude. God truly loved her and saw her!

A year later, Theodore continues to give back, not only for Amber but for others. As a single parent, Amber has felt his constant comfort and companionship. On the trail, Amber shares her horse with everyone she meets, offering young children pats and pictures and occasionally giving rides. She even teaches riding to a 12-year old girl who can’t afford formal lessons. Time and time again, strangers have shared how much the interactions with the horse mean to them. Something about Theodore touches everyone he meets. 

For Amber, the horse remains a symbol of profound revelation – every ride a tangible expression of God’s love. It was an answer to prayer she couldn’t never have dared to utter… the gracious demonstration of the God who can always be trusted.